The joke goes something like this, “Did you hear they are removing the word gullible from the dictionary?” Full stop.
I looked up the word gullible (it’s still there). It means, ‘easily persuaded to believe something; credulous’. Then I looked up credulous, it means gullible. Actually being gullible has context. I know because I’ve been gullible in my life, but not in every area of my life, only when I was in a dire situation, when there were dire consequences. I was gullible when the stakes were high. That was when I found myself ready to whip out my pocket book.
None of us are immune to charlatans.
How do smart, normal, successful people fall prey to charlatans? Easily in fact, like all well played cons, when the predator has what you want, you’ll buy. If you think that what they are selling equals a solution to a devastating problem, you definitely will pay.
For example I know two incredibility talented, thoughtful, brilliant, women who were scammed when internet dating. Both of their stories were remarkably similar. They each met a man who was charming, handsome, available, and interested. These women were no spring chickens; each was well into middle age. Both had years of loneliness, even though they had a surplus of friends, they were missing the connection that comes from having a lover. Both of the men who showed an interest were “currently living in Europe”, one said he was visiting family, one was in the military and close to retirement. Both eventually asked for money. One of my friends actually gave money to a man she had never met.
When my friend Sheila, (not her real name) told me about giving money to a complete stranger I was flabbergasted. Never would I have thought she would fall for this type of obvious manipulation. I let Sheila know she should stop sending money and stop communicating with this loser. She was devastated. It was her first attempt to date after a very long haul as a single mom. She was divorced. That marriage was a disaster, and she was concerned about going through a difficult relationship based on her marriage experience. She waited twelve years to dive into the dating pool. The shame and distrust she shouldered from her first internet dating experience left her reluctant to dive in again. Sheila is a lovely, thoughtful, brilliant woman who has much to give and was robbed of trust. It’s infuriating. She wanted a companion to share her life; she found a handsome, articulate, con man who stole from her.
Why though would Sheila have allowed a stranger to influence her in this way? Her emotions were running high; she was doing something new and exciting. Taking on a relationship required her to be vulnerable; if things went well she might have sex with another person after a several-years-long dry spell. That’s exhilarating and distracting. Most of us can relate to the incredible power a new relationship can have over our better judgment. She had a strong desire to be in a relationship, and she had examples of other women in similar circumstances that had success meeting people online. Myself included. In fact I encouraged her to seek a partner, for fun, sex, or for a relationship, long or short. When her experience turned sour, I realized I encouraged her to do something that ultimately was harmful.
Gullibility comes in many forms.
My experience with being gullible was entirely different. When I was in my forties I developed unbearable joint pain. At the time I hadn’t been to a doctor for about ten years due to several bad experiences, therefore I was reluctant to risk another bad experience. It might seem inconceivable that I would put off seeing a professional, but I was fearful. Eventually I caved in and sought an opinion and treatment. Over the course of that year without treatment my health deteriorated significantly, what started as an inflamed wrist migrated to my feet, by hips, my shoulders and elbows. In fact I was unable to perform simple tasks like turning on the shower, brushing my hair, or cooking a meal. My disease was insidious. It moved slowly enough that I didn’t understand how it affected my day to day life. It was one little thing after another until eventually it was everything.
I had a morning routine; I would wake up around 5:30 and begin the process of pain avoidance. Three aspirin each morning was followed by topical pain relief cream on my joints and oddly hemorrhoid gel on my feet (I figured that if it could reduce swelling it would work on my feet as well as anywhere else). This would allow me to dress and drive to work, where I did everything I could to avoid being seen in pain. In the end I could hardly hold a pen, typing was hell, even the tip of my nose hurt. The pain was horrific. Over that year I invested thousands of dollars on “cures” I found on the internet. The World Wide Web became my personal medicine show, where snake oil vendors sold me every type of supplement you can imagine. In retrospect I see how foolish I was to seek help from the internet versus a doctor but I can’t turn back time, and I learned something about myself. I learned that even though I was successful, and by most standards intelligent, I was desperate. Desperate people do desperate things, and for a con man, desperate people are ripe for the picking.
It wasn’t until my daughter was home from college for a weekend when I realized I must do something more concrete than taking supplements of false hope. We were enjoying a family afternoon at the beach and unfortunately I couldn’t get up from my seated position on the sand. My husband lifted me to my feet. I saw the look on my daughters face and was horrified. She hadn’t seen me in some time and I was in bad shape. She was shocked and it showed. The next week I made an appointment with a doctor which led to a referral to a rheumatologist.
The rheumatologist was very helpful, he gave me medication that actually worked to control the raging inflammation the rheumatoid arthritis caused throughout my body.
What area of your life leaves you open to false narratives?
I understand why people want to follow a charismatic leader, or why they believe vaccinations are harmful. They are suffering from deep rooted desperation. In the case of the charismatic leader, they feel the leader will restore something lost or provide something new and better in their life. In the case of vaccines they have a deep seeded distrust in science or the medical community. I have a friend who sells designer supplements that cost hundreds of dollars because she is convinced that that they are the answer to disease. I don’t think she understands that she is a participant in a modern medicine show. She believes what she sells is the truth, that her very special, very expensive supplements will cure diabetes, high cholesterol, acid reflux, heart disease and more, the list of “cures’ is long but not grounded in science. The truth is that she is participating in a multi level marketing scheme. She is a widow, and she homeschooled her four children. Her professional background is limited, and the marketing scheme offers a low barrier to entry. She has an opportunity to earn and control her time, that’s important to her. I keep my fingers crossed she will be successful.
I still fall prey to many online medicine shows. I recently attended a breathing workshop online. Let me assure you I breath, all day and even when I’m sleeping, the workshop wasn’t particularly helpful. I am micro dosing curious. I’ve priced out psychedelic retreats and treatments. I meditate, which is good for me but there is a cultish side to the meditation scene that I’ve been able to avoid, however I’ve also researched meditation retreats. The advertised environments and experience would definitely leave me open to all manner of gimmicks. So far I’ve held off, and I have no doubt many meditation retreats are fantastic. I’m simply not ready to meditate for an extended period right now. I also wonder if I should pay a couple of thousand dollars to sit silently. Is that something I can’t achieve in my home?
Even though my results were exceptional when I was treated with real medicine provided by a real physician I remain skeptical about what doctors can actually do for me. I don’t like that there are no cures – but there are many pharmaceuticals. There is no end to having disease, but we have drugs, and sometimes drugs that require drugs to overcome the horrible side effects of the drugs. As a skeptical person, this seems like a modern day medicine show and most of us are happy to participate.
Try to recognize areas where you are vulnerable in order to protect yourself from those seeking to harm you.
What I’ve learned from my own experience and from others is that if we are vulnerable because we want love, or we have an illness, or we need to earn a living, it is easy for people to take advantage of us. We have to question our motivations and try to use logic especially when we have strong feelings. We should teach our children to be critical thinkers. Want is motivating, and if the want is powerful enough we will act and there will be scoundrels ready to act as well.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to stop writing this and get back to learning more about the healing power of salt caves.
