The time changed, and I wasn’t prepared. No doubt this happens all the time. I’m sure plenty of people arrive late for work or school because they overlooked the biannual nightmare of the time change. I’ve never forgotten about a time change before, but I guess it was inevitable since I’m 59 now and work from home, my schedule allows for forgetfulness, thank goodness.
I dislike the time change, but I like change in general. I’m always excited by something new or different, although I live my life in a highly routine manner. I get up at nearly the same time each day; I follow a pattern in my day-to-day life so I can accomplish what I need to do promptly. When I vary from my routine I love it, and I also feel frustrated that my routine has been disrupted, even if it felt good to do something different.
This year I have to make a few big changes and I’m excited and dreading this. I know I must change my approach to writing. The last attempt I made to write was fine but didn’t amount to a product. Because I stepped away from my comfort zone of non-fiction and tried my hand at fiction, again, with unsatisfactory results.
I must decide which form of exercise will be the most effective for me as I am now. This past year or so we’ve invested in a lot of home gym equipment and I fear I have an issue with too many choices. I want to use all the equipment, and that is impossible so I’m using none of it. I read that cardio isn’t a good solution for older women, and that lifting heavy weights is the best way for an older woman to protect her health, but I dislike lifting weights. I prefer like cardio.
The other philosophy is that people should do the exercise they will do consistently. I think this is most likely the best advice, after all, I love cardio but doing nothing isn’t going to keep me fit.
When I think about change, I want to incorporate change in a manner that is organized so I don’t get off track, but lately (most likely because its winter) I’ve not been motivated to examine the change I need.
How do I know I need change? Because I can see that I must accomplish tasks and that I’m wasting a lot of time instead of doing what needs to be done. That is going to require change.
These are the steps I will try to improve my productivity and health-
· I’m going to practice visualization exercises so I can gain clarity
· Once I have clarity I’m going to break down the three most important changes that must happen
· I’m going to read more books because reading feels good to me and I must feel good to make positive changes in my life
· I’m going to use a method like a journal or calendar to schedule the tasks I need to complete to effect change
· I’m going to create a measurement so I can track my progress
That’s all I can think to do for now. I hope to have a good handle on the changes I need to make this year by June. I’m not feeling a huge sense of urgency right now, just a nagging sensation in my gut that’s telling me to move now or give up. Giving up looks like sitting down and not trying. It looks like allowing my muscles to atrophy and allowing my mind to get bogged down in ruminating versus forward thinking about a grand future.
I always think back to when I was a very young woman, around 18 or so. I was judging my parent’s lifestyle and decided that I didn’t want to be like them. They chose to watch television after work every day. They rarely traveled. Of course, at 18 I wanted to go out and dance, to hang out with friends, and I looked forward to being a fully-fledged adult so I could go to a bar and have a cocktail. Little did I know at 18 that by the time I was 59, I would not want to go to a bar, or go dancing; I feel like many older adults feel, if it’s loud I’m not interested!
But in many ways, I’m still living with the gut desires I had when I was 18. I’m still curious about the world, and although I’ve seen a lot, I still want to see more. I hope to see much of the SW United States this year and in the coming years I’d like to visit the areas of Europe I’ve yet to see. I would like to see the Aurora Borealis one day. I would like to trek in Scotland. I listen to a podcast called The History of Rome, and that leaves me feeling as though I should revisit some areas of Europe, and northern Africa now that I have a limited understanding of the Roman Empire.
I’d like to pursue art this year, something I have set aside due to my work schedule. Perhaps I can create a sculpture of some sort. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time but so far I’ve only fantasized.
Change means accepting that you are now different, and that is hard for the person who experiences change and it’s hard for the changed person’s companions. Some people like you as you are and when you change they don’t like you any longer. This can be hard to manage. I’ve had friends who point out that I no longer look like I did when I was thirty, that I’m fatter and more wrinkled. That I have grey hair now.
They want me to remain fixed in time, so they can reminisce with me about the good old days, but for me, the good old days were at times the bad old days when I was in a difficult marriage, when I was unhappy. Now I’m happy, fatter, greyer, and more wrinkled. I’m thrilled with the Paige of today, and would never want to look back, I want to look forward, strive forward, or if I can’t manage that, I want today to be a fine day.
