I’m continuing with the ten habits I plan to develop this year. Habit seven is all about self-reflection.
Self-reflection is hard but worth it. People who practice self-reflection will have a better understanding of their inherent strengths, and see improvement in those areas. I often feel that when I’m trying to make improvements in areas I’m weak; I fail. However, when I focus on areas where I’m already powerful, I improve, and that is a great feeling. We can’t all be astronauts, and some of us are gardeners. I try not to waste energy on areas that are not aligned with who I am in my heart.
Why practice self reflection
You can use self-reflection to identify deeply held values and to focus on your goals so that they are aligned with your values. For example, I believe in a frugal lifestyle. I want to help others see the benefit of living frugally, therefore I have a goal of writing books and blog posts with frugal living as an area of focus. My values are aligned with my goals, and my belief system is intertwined with this effort. Honestly, this effort is like taking a walk in a flower-filled meadow. Easy and delightful.
Once you have identified your values, goals, beliefs, and strengths you will be able to track your growth. Creating a measure of your improvements is a great way to remain motivated.
How you can become better at understanding yourself
How do you engage in self-reflection? Try any of these techniques-
· Schedule uninterrupted time to practice
· Set a timer
· Focus on one or two areas of strength that you want to enhance
· Consider a few ways you have been successful within your area of strength
· Consider how you can continue to grow your strength
· Avoid ruminating
· Use a prompt if needed
· Record your experience of self-reflection in a journal
· It’s okay if you identify areas of needed improvement, this will be a great way to track your growth
· Create a prompt that will allow you to explore your thoughts about how you are in the world. For example, am I taking care of myself physically? OR Is my current relationship with ______ (my partner, my job, my hobby, my social relationships…) serving me?
Keep it manageable
When you first begin self-reflection start with small questions about who you are in your heart. As you practice you will be able to increase the questions to encompass a larger picture of who you are and how or why you respond to life in the way you do. Like riding a bike, self-reflection takes practice. However, if you begin your practice considering the meaning of life, you’ll likely stop practicing after one session, since this question is not answerable. Consider manageable questions first.
When you are in the midst of reflection, you don’t have to make a decision to make a change. Recognizing areas of challenge is a worthy goal on its own. Once you have identified an area in your life that you feel is worth considering, take time to evaluate it from all angles.
After self-reflection, I learned that I always make poor food choices when I’m tired. If I stay out late, I get up the next day and eat too much. I consume fat and salt. I eat candy or pastry – that is how I’m wired. Acknowledging this, I can make a choice to indulge or abstain knowing I will feel better if I have a nap or recognizing that I’ll feel better the next day when I’m rested again. The key is to understand that my fatigue is what is motivating my behavior, and that gives me the power to make choices instead of operating on autopilot.
Be kind
Just remember to be kind, for every critical look you take at yourself, make a point of seeing two positive aspects of yourself. Look for opportunities for improvement, and focus on skills that you can manage versus aspects of external forces. For example, if you are going bald, that’s okay and not something you can easily change. Having compassion and lending your substantial skill to a person in need is something you can control.
Try not to ruminate
Try not to ruminate. Easily said but harder to accomplish. When I begin a downward spiral of self-recrimination, I say to myself, “Stop.” Then I identify the feelings that were coming up when I was ruminating. By labeling the feelings I negate them.
Your practice can include uplifting your attitude. You can do this with prompts that invoke a feeling of happiness. For example-
· ______ always makes me laugh
· I love seeing ______ because I feel deep love and attraction
· I’m really good at ______
· I will accomplish ______ by ______
· I’m grateful that ______
You can then evaluate the answers to your prompts in a way that inspects why you are having positive emotions around the concept of the prompt.
Finally, incorporating your spending habits into consideration will help you better understand how or why you achieve or struggle with frugal living.
Reflecting on a recent impulse purchase is a great way to begin this exercise. Were you tired? Did you feel stressed out? Were you in a celebratory mood? Did you feel guilty? Take time to understand your motivation, that will help you better resist that handbag, pair of shoes, or even the checkout stand candy bar moving forward. When you see that you often make poor choices when ______ happens you can be prepared for the feeling and choose to behave differently.
Self-reflection isn’t a magic pill that will automatically transition you from who you are to who you want to be, but it is a useful tool in your toolbox that can help with your improvement tasks.
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