Moving is the worst, but if you do it enough in a short period of time, you get used to it. I’m not kidding.
When I was married I lived in a lovely but small beach bungalow about a block and half from the Pacific Ocean. It had three bedrooms, two bathrooms and was just fine for myself, my husband, our two college age daughters, our dog and our cat. We could hear the ocean pounding at night and it would lull us to sleep.
Living in a coastal community had the advantage of feeling removed from the major metropolitan area we were near (San Francisco) without being too far out of the way. UPS as well as the US Postal service categorized our location as remote. Going to Target was a forty-five minute drive, none the less it was a lifestyle I enjoyed.
The town I lived in was unincorporated; the population was about 1,200 people. We picked up our mail from the post office, where the citizens congregated each afternoon to catch up on local news or gossip. We had two restaurants, a pizza place/Indian take out joint, and an upscale ocean view restaurant that I never had the budget to enjoy. I could walk out of my front door and be on a coastal range hiking trail within minutes. My big goofy Labrador retriever loved it.
Living in a small town is nice; we never locked our doors, never even considered it. We often slept with the sliding glass door in the bedroom open so the dog could go out and sniff around after we had fallen asleep. Occasionally a raccoon would come in to enjoy our dog’s kibble, and that was less enjoyable. Our Labrador had no opinion of the occasional raccoon; I guess as long as they didn’t disrupt his sleep too much he was okay with sharing an evening snack.
Marriages sometimes fail
When we first moved in I thought it would be my home for the rest of my life, however it didn’t work out that way. When things fell apart, I stayed in the family home, but I couldn’t take care of it. I was struggling emotionally; I recall not having the where withal to do much at all back then. Deep depression controlled my choices. Eventually after a winter in the family home I opted to leave and move to a place that I could manage. The family home had too many issues. The main bathroom floor was rotting due to a leak in the shower, the heater was broken. Once I nearly hacked off my finger chopping kindling in the rain one dark winter evening. The hedge had become so overgrown that the front gate was blocked and I had to crawl under it or go all the way around the house to go in through the side yard. The whole situation was too much for me. Additionally, I had trouble sleeping in the marriage bed. It creeped me out.
When I selected my new place to live, I imagined that I would get assistance from my estranged husband, he’d agreed to it. But he never paid a dime. Am I resentful? Yes. I worked hard during our marriage and often had to set aside my professional ambition to accommodate the family since his wage was significantly higher than mine, so absolutely I still feel that he should pay what he owes me, what he agreed to. Will I pursue collecting in a court of law? I don’t know. I have a lot of feelings still, even though it has been a very long time. I’m unsure what would happen to me if I had to dredge up all those feelings again. I have fear.
My new home was super cute
The new place I picked in an adjacent community was cute as a button. A couple of blocks from a quaint coast side down town district with amazing restaurants and bars I could walk to. It was small, but had been newly refreshed with cozy wood floors throughout and an eat-in kitchen. I was smitten, until I had to come up with rent each month. It didn’t take long to realize the rent was beyond what I could manage. Instead of pursuing legal action to enforce the court order for spousal support, I opted to move to a more affordable apartment once my six month lease was up.
Once I determined I would move, I found a place that was about $300.00 less per month, but I continued struggle understanding my new financial situation. I simply hadn’t had to worry about month to month finances that much during the last fifteen years of my marriage. It was a massive adjustment. The apartment was depressing, and it was sucking up a large chunk of my monthly take home pay. After a conversation with a good friend of mine I decided it was time to take action. I’d had enough feeling sorry for myself and knew that no one would save me, I had to save myself.
Once I decided on a plan I didn’t look back, although I did have a lot of doubt. At first I thought I would rent a room somewhere. But often I found the people I would have to share space with were not the sort of people I wanted to hang out with. Once I looked at a “studio” which was actually a converted shed. Yikes! After many weeks of looking I finally found an apartment that was $300.00 less, had a single bedroom, a balcony with an obstructed view of the harbor, and an eat in kitchen. The neighborhood wasn’t great, and it was a block from the two lane highway, but I knew that the extra $600.00 per month would go a long way towards getting out of debt, so I made the commitment and moved.
I was lucky that I worked for a company that had a pickup truck and they let me borrow it for my moves. I avoided the cost of a UHaul rental. My new landlord gave early access to the apartment. I moved my smaller items moved in the week leading up to my big move in weekend. That was the good news. The bad news was that my new apartment was on the third floor with no elevator, so moving the larger items was back breaking. My adult daughters were kind and helped me, but of course I paid physically.
I learned how to be alone and I was fine
The new place would be mine for two years. I learned how to be alone. Eventually I learned how to date. I created many pieces of art, and began learning to take care of health again. The crisis of losing my marriage did a terrible thing to my health. I stopped taking care of myself and lost twenty five pounds. Then within a year gained it all back plus an extra ten or fifteen pounds. I stopped taking medication to manage an auto immune issue. I stopped exercising.
But once I settled in to my new place with my new motivation to create a solid financial footing, I began taking care of myself again. It was hard and those were miserable, lonely, scary times. I learned that when you are at your worst, you’ll be alone and scared, but if you can hang in and get through it you come out better. More capable.
Planning and cooking meals saved money. I brought my breakfast and lunch to work each day and stopped buying eggs Benedict every weekday morning and greasy hamburgers each afternoon. I began taking long walks on the beach, or on the hiking trails on the coastal range. Slowly my debt was reduced, and my waistline. I was feeling better about myself, and began dating.
After I had been in my new place for a while, my daughter got married and asked if I could take care of her cat while she went on a yearlong travel journey with her new husband. I agreed and was excited that she would do something I always wanted to do. All my life I dreamed of traveling. I remember staring out the window of my office thinking how much I wanted to see the world, but that it was out of reach during my marriage. We couldn’t agree on travel therefore we didn’t. I never attempted to travel alone. The marriage dynamic wouldn’t allow that level of self indulgence. So when my daughter had the opportunity to travel, I did everything I could to ensure she would have that experience. That meant moving again because my place didn’t allow pets.
I packed up and moved – two more times
I packed up once again, the fourth time in a few years, this time the apartment was even smaller, also on the third floor, but it was also even more affordable. More money went into my savings and investment funds.
The final move I made was after I’d lived alone for six years in four different apartments. I’d met a man who I adore. I moved in with him. We lived together for a few years when we decided to give up our apartment in the San Francisco bay area, put our belongings in storage and travel the world for a year. In 2016 we left for Italy and ended up visiting over twenty countries. When we decided to settle down we opted for the pacific northwest where my daughters and grand kids were living.
Making the sacrifice to move several times in a few years was hard, but it was worth it. Getting out of debt was by far the best choice I could have made. My aim is to describe the freedom I have living a zero debt lifestyle. I hope to inspire you. Living with zero debt is fun and exciting, I don’t feel as though I’ve missed out on anything. I have lived an exceptional life, with choices based on experiences versus managing mountains of stuff and debt.
Consider living a debt-free life, if you don’t know where to start pre-order my book “Never Worry About Money Again: Gain Financial Freedom by Becoming Better at Managing the Money You Have” due out in print and eBook February 2023. If you aren’t ready to commit to reading my book keep learning more about my experience, and how you can become a ‘frugalite’. You can subscribe to my blog below.
